There’s an epidemic that you know about all too well: narcissism. A growing concern, studies show that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) doubled between 1999 and 2009. Another study found that 6.2% of adults have NPD.
If you met your husband or wife at a local restaurant that seats 200 people, you just picked 1 out of 10 people that have NPD. Calculating and capable, these manipulators are often the nicest people you’ll ever meet – at first.
It’s not your fault.
Mistake 1: It’s My Fault
Being married to a narcissist is not your fault. You need to be intensely familiar with these individuals before uncovering their NPD. The biggest issue facing married couples and their family when a narcissist is involved is that they suffer from disbelief.
- How can she be so cruel?
- How can they be treating me badly?
- What have I done wrong?
Profound self-centeredness is not your doing – it’s the narcissist’s innate trait.
When you fall into the “it’s my fault” trap, you’ll be subject to:
- Further abuse
- Additional compromises
- An emotional rollercoaster
You’ll be subject to the person’s every demand when you blame yourself.
Mistake 2: Giving Into Demand
Control is the narcissist’s game. These individuals will control your life, if allowed, and they don’t accept blame. Psychological warfare is utilized to place the blame on you for everything. Discussing this behavior turns into a game of deflection where conflict is most common.
Accepting fault for the other person’s behavior leads to giving into demands, which prove fatal:
- I let her take care of the bills
- I let her take out new credit cards
Narcissists allow their control to be used for manipulation. The moment demands are met without confrontation, the person can use their power to:
- Hide assets
- Accrue massive debt
The hold a narcissist has on you is only as powerful as you allow it to get. You might not be believed in court. You might still suffer from abuse after your marriage. But you must never take fault for their actions, give into their demands or let them control your life.
The Micklin Law Group is a New Jersey law firm specializing in men’s rights & complex divorces . Attorney Brad Micklin was recently named to The National Advocates list of Top 100 attorneys from each state. Brad has a special expertise in working to help you divorce a narcissist. You can read more on this topic by visiting our divorce blog. To set up a free consultation, call 973-562-0100