We’ve all heard the claim that almost half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. But did you know that statistic is even higher for subsequent marriages? In fact, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. That doesn’t exactly make you want to run to the altar. In fact, it leaves many couples who are experiencing a second chance at love questioning whether marriage could ruin their relationship.
If you are contemplating your second or third marriage, don’t allow these figures to dissuade you from popping the question. When analyzing second and third marriages that end in divorce, there are a few common issues that keep appearing; they come up all the time when our New Jersey divorce lawyers are speaking with a client about his reasons for ending his marriage. If you’re aware of these potential issues and can avoid them, your marriage is more likely to succeed. On the other hand, if you can see one or more of these issues coming up in your current relationship once you get married, it may be a good idea to hold off until you’ve had time to address your concerns.
Here are five reasons why second and third marriages are prone to divorce.
The “Been There, Done That” Mentality
Many couples stay together because they’re not sure how a divorce will shake out for them. If you’ve been through one divorce and have come out of it relatively unscathed, you may be less fearful of a second divorce. In addition, many people will forget the worst parts of their divorce over time, especially once they’ve found love again. This means they’re more likely to end their second marriage because they remember all the good things that came from leaving their first marriage.
Men who have already worked with or researched a trusted New Jersey divorce attorney may feel more supported in their decision to divorce a second or third time. Also, prenuptial agreements are more common in second marriages, so your finances post-divorce may not be as much of a concern this time around. Or, if you’ve built your finances back up after a previous divorce, you may feel more knowledgeable about how to do it again.
Lasting Emotional Concerns from A Previous Marriage
Many people who have gotten divorced believed that the conflict they were experiencing or the challenging emotional times they were going through just weren’t worth overcoming. They thought marriage was supposed to go a certain way, but those expectations didn’t pan out in their own marriage. This can affect their outlook in new relationships and lead to an even greater fear of commitment, causing a constant internal struggle that may just become too much to overcome in their second marriage.
At times, divorcés have gone through a previous marriage that was downright dangerous; for example, if your ex-spouse was emotionally abusive or narcisstic, you may still be recovering emotionally from her outbursts. When you see those behaviors start to emerge in your current spouse, you’re more likely to put your foot down and walk out the door. The same goes for infidelity. If your ex cheated on you during your marriage, you may be more suspicious of your current spouse. Whether she’s actually unfaithful or not, you may not be able to move past your feelings of doubt.
Marrying for the Wrong Reasons
Some people rush into a second marriage before they’ve really healed from their first. Divorce attorneys for men in New Jersey see this happen all the time. A divorce can be lonely, and it’s common to date before your divorce is even finalized. Juggling a new relationship, grieving your old relationship, and potentially struggling to manage your finances can be completely overwhelming. You may end up spread too thin and unable to make decisions about what is in your best interest.
If you started seeing your current spouse before you were legally divorced, you may not have had the time to reflect on the relationship and define what you want to do differently this time around. You may even feel like you didn’t really know your spouse’s true nature before you got remarried. Another common issue is men getting into relationships when they aren’t over their ex. Marrying someone else hoping they’re similar to your ex is almost always a recipe for disaster.
Not Having to “Stay Together for the Kids”
Many second and third marriages do not involve shared children. Since many people believe children are the glue that holds a family together, it follows that a second marriage with no children is more likely to end in divorce. That’s not to say that childless spouses are always more likely to divorce. It just means that a couple that isn’t co-parenting their shared children may not feel pressure to stay together to keep their family intact.
Additionally, the strain of becoming a step-parent to your spouse’s children from a previous marriage can cause issues within your marriage. Living with someone else’s children can be trying. Kids are often resentful of their step-parents and may go out of their way to make things more difficult. Co-parenting your step-kids with your new spouse when they are in your home can be exceptionally complicated when you’re also forced to consider their other parent’s parenting style. Your ex’s ongoing custody battle may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Finances are already one of the top causes of divorce, so when you consider that spouses in second marriages are usually more financially established it makes sense that issues could surface over time. Differences of opinion can arise when it comes to budgeting, saving vs. spending, whether to open joint accounts, and more. If you’ve been managing your money one way for years, it can be much more difficult to adjust to your spouse’s way of doing things.
If a couple has been able to acquire significant assets together in their marriage, it often poses problems for the division of property in the divorce. Some divorcing couples in their second or third marriage just can’t agree to a fair division of their marital assets. When no amount of negotiation will help, divorce lawyers for men in New Jersey end up addressing these issues in court.
Divorce for Second and Third Marriages in New Jersey
If you’re a man in New Jersey who is considering getting married for the second or third time, understanding common issues that crop up in second marriages can make your marriage more likely to succeed. Talk to your significant other about these potential issues to make sure you’re on the same page, but don’t let fear stop you from giving marriage another shot.
Have you already been experiencing the aforementioned issues in your marriage? You’re not alone. At The Micklin Law Group, our New Jersey divorce attorneys for men and fathers have seen these issues arise in second marriages time and time again. We assist men with the complicated divorce and family law issues common in second and third marriages. If you’ve reached your breaking point and are ready for a divorce, get in touch with our attorneys by calling our Nutley office at 973-562-0100 or our Montclair office at 862-245-4620.