Narcissists have a way of manipulating you into believing the lies that come out of their mouths. Don’t get me wrong, there are different types of narcissists, and the circumstances of every divorce are different.
Avoiding the following 8 mistakes can help you get through a divorce with a narcissist with (relative) ease.
1. Never Accept Their Version of the Story
Narcissists may end a marriage amicably, but that doesn’t mean that they will tell the same story that you remember when you enter the courtroom. These individuals have a way of misconstruing the truth, and you’ll often find that your story and their story are very different.
2. Don’t Trust Their Newfound Love
The relationship has ended, and you’re no longer useful to a narcissist. Many individuals never realize that narcissists are wired differently. They no longer have a reason to be nice to you following a divorce, and when they start to show that they care, it is usually a sign that you need to be prepared for the manipulation that is sure to follow.
3. Don’t Be a Sucker
Your words can be used against you, especially when dealing with someone that is narcissistic. Instead of letting this happen, only respond to your ex when absolutely necessary. I and others have entered the courtroom only to have the simplest talk turn into an imaginary story that the ex derived out of something that seemed so innocent at the time.
4. Avoid the Same Old Story
You know that your ex follows the same “script” or “story.” There are patterns that develop, and if you’re able to tell these patterns right away, you can do your best to avoid them.
5. The Courts Will Believe Me!
Are you lying? Is your ex lying? No one knows – especially the courts. If you need validation of the truth, you won’t find it in court, but you may find it in a good friend or family member.
6. Abuse Will End After the Marriage – Wrong
The abuse may be less after a marriage, but that doesn’t mean that it ends. You’ll still deal with emotional pain and struggling even after a divorce. In fact, the divorce is just the initial start of getting over the emotional and mental abuse.
7. All Attorneys Have Experience with Narcissists
“During my divorce, I explained how my ex treated me until I turned blue in the face. The issue was that my attorney did not understand the severity of the situation. Instead, when my ex went into a tirade, my attorney asked ‘why didn’t you tell me he has anger issues?’
The truth is that I did tell my attorney – they didn’t listen to me.”
The above scenario is all too common in divorce cases with narcissists. Attorneys need experience dealing with narcissistic behavior to truly know how to help you during your divorce.
8. My Ex Will Co-parent
Your ex, if they’re a narcissist, will be unreliable. You need to know that they will not be the ideal co-parent. Oftentimes, you they will talk down about you to the children and miss important life events.
You should learn to be the main figure in your child’s life, and never depend on a narcissist.
The Micklin Law Group, LLC is a New Jersey law firm specializing in family law and estates. Attorney Brad Micklin was recently named to The National Advocates list of Top 100 attorneys from each state. To set up a consultation, call 973-562-0100.