Micklin Law Group

Family matters are tough for men - make sure your lawyer is too

973-562-0100 | 862-245-4620
Text Us Now
Nutley | Montclair
  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • About
    • About Us
    • Testimonials
    • Giving Back
  • Your Team
    • Your Legal Team
    • Choosing an Attorney
  • Divorce for Men
    • Protecting Men’s Rights in Divorce
    • Men’s Complex Custody Issues
    • Alimony Rights for Men
  • Services
    • Divorce for Men
    • Custody for Men
    • Family Law for Men
    • Divorcing a Narcissist
  • Resources
    • Brad in the News
    • My Story
    • Men’s Support Group
    • Scholarship
    • Video Consultation Room
    • FAQs
  • Webinars
    • Upcoming Webinars
    • Webinar Archive
  • Blog
  • Contact
    • Nutley, NJ
    • Montclair, NJ

The Blame Game and the Serious Psychological Effects It Has

May 6, 2016 By Brad Micklin

Blaming Each Other During Divorce

You stubbed your toe on your way out the door, and your dog escaped while you were frantically trying to get your shoe on. Now you’re late for work.

How do you react to situations like this? Do you accept responsibility for the things you can control, or do you immediately try to place the blame on someone or something else?

Not everyone will play the blame game, but the ones that do are typically on either extreme side of the spectrum. On one hand, you have the person who blames everything else.

  • It’s your partner’s fault that the table was in your way. She moved it last night, and now you’ve stubbed your toe.
  • It’s your neighbor’s fault that the dog got out. He was out walking his dog, which caught your dog’s attention.
  • It’s the shoemaker’s fault for making your shoe’s such a chore to put on.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who blame themselves for everything. They whole-heartedly believe that they are the cause for everything that goes wrong.

The Blame Game in Divorce

When it comes to divorce, the blame game is almost always played – even by those who don’t normally play. Why?

  • Blame is a defense mechanism. Whether it’s denial or feelings of hurt, blame helps us maintain our self-esteem by sweeping our own failings or flaws under the rug.
  • Blame is an offensive tool. Some people use blame as a way to hurt their partners.
  • Blame is the easy way out. It’s much easier to put the blame on someone else than to take responsibility for our own actions. Taking responsibility would mean having to make changes, which is not appealing to many people.

Divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster, and for most couples, there’s a lot at stake. Both parties may be reluctant to accept the fact that they both played a role in the destruction of their relationship.

The Psychological Effects of Blaming Your Partner

Whether you’re the one doing the blaming or the victim, the psychological effects of the blame game can be serious.

  • Emotional Abuse: Constantly blaming your partner for things he or she did not do is no different than verbal abuse.
  • Guilt and Self-Blame: Eventually, the blamee will start believing that she’s responsible for things that are out of her control, which leads to feelings of self-blame and guilt.
  • Lower Self-Esteem: The guilt and self-blaming eventually lead to lower self-esteem. In turn, the blamee lowers her standards and tolerates unacceptable or unhealthy behavior.

When we play the blame game, we never win. We simply wind up hurting the people we care about most and fail to take responsibility for the things we have control over. The psychological effects of playing this dangerous game can be devastating.

The Micklin Law Group, LLC is a New Jersey law firm focusing on family law for men and fathers. Attorney Brad Micklin was recently named to The National Advocates list of Top 100 attorneys from each state. Brad has experience working with high asset divorce. You can read more on this topic by visiting our divorce blog. To set up a consultation, call 973-562-0100.

  • Share
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Brad M. Micklin, Divorce

Brad Micklin

About Brad Micklin

I am the lead attorney and managing member at The Micklin Law Group, LLC. For more than 20 years, I have helped men through some of the toughest, most emotional experiences in their lives, including in high conflict divorces and child custody battles. I have extensive experience in the courtroom and have gained additional experience and knowledge through advanced family law courses and training in handwriting analysis, body language and advanced micro expression. Read More >

The Micklin Law Group, LLC

187 Washington Ave, Suite 2F
Nutley, NJ 07110
28 Valley Road, Suite 1
Montclair, NJ 07042

Contact Us

Nutley: 973-562-0100
Montclair: 862-245-4620
Fax: 973-556-1732
brad@micklinlawgroup.com
Text Us Now

Recent Blog Posts

  • How to Defend A Motion for Temporary Support
  • How Men Can Get Alimony in New Jersey
  • Modifying Alimony in New Jersey Isn’t Easy – But Can Be Done
  • 5 Reasons a Divorce Drags On
  • Enforcing Your Visitation Rights: 5 Key Steps
This site contains Attorney Advertising Material. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and electronic mail. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

Copyright © 2019 Micklin Law Group · Law Firm Marketing by Professional Services Marketing · Log in