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Child Battles: Getting the Kid Without Damaging Your Ex

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As a parent, the last thing you want to do is to have your children hate your ex. You can get a divorce and still have your kids love and respect their father or mother. And good parents never want their kids to hate their ex.

Happy-family-of-three-on-the-beach-000056272602_Medium.jpgYou can gain custody of your child or children without damaging your ex in the process. How?

1.     Keep Your Kids Away from the Controversy

Divorce and child battles can be brutal, but you need to do your best to keep your child out of it. You never want to tell little Jimmy that his father is demanding the house and that you may have to live on the street as a result.

If you want your child to still have a good relationship with their mother or father, keep them out of the divorce as much as possible.

2.     Discuss Matters With Your Ex

You can do everything in your power to ensure your child doesn’t hate your ex, but you have no control over what your ex says to your child. It is best to discuss these matters with your ex and come to an agreement to:

  • Keep your children out of the divorce
  • Not talk ill of each other to the children

3.     Allow Parental Visits

Unless there is a valid reason for your ex not to see the children, such as abuse, drugs or alcohol, you want to allow your ex to see your children. Don’t fight parental visitation rights in court, and encourage your children to see your ex when required by the law.

All too often, parents will not like that the kids are 10 minutes late coming home or that their ex fought against custodial visits, and this can lead to anger directed at the children and “bad mouthing” against you.

4.     Remain Civil

Divorces are difficult, and your child may resent one or both parents even if the other parent hasn’t said a bad word about you to them. If you want to get custody of your kids and not damage your ex in the process, you need to remain civil during and after the divorce.

Including the other parent in the life of your children is recommended.

Birthday parties, soccer games, school events and so on are the right times to invite your ex along. If the both of you can remain civil and friendly, this will allow your child to realize that you and your ex simply fell out of love, and will lessen the resentment that normally follows a custody battle.

The Micklin Law Group, LLC is a New Jersey law firm focusing on family law. Attorney Brad Micklin was recently named to The National Advocates list of Top 100 attorneys from each state. To set up a consultation, call 973-562-0100. 

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