Ahh, Valentine’s Day. It’s one of the most divisive holidays, even among spouses. Some couples celebrate big, some don’t celebrate at all, and some end up frustrated by their partner’s high expectations. We doubt you got divorced because your spouse didn’t bring home chocolates last February 14th, but the fact is, you’re still facing your first Valentine’s Day as a single person – and this holiday can sting. Here’s how to make things a little easier on yourself.
Maintain Reasonable Expectations
Valentine’s Day may not be very cheery for you this year, and that’s ok. On a holiday dedicated to love, it’s fair to be sad or angry about your divorce. Even if you’re happy to be free of an unhappy marriage, you still have to mourn the future you imagined. So be kind to yourself! Don’t try to force yourself to ignore those negative feelings, or you may end up disappointed by the end of the night.
Keep Your Mind Occupied
It’s normal to spend some time reflecting on your marriage and divorce on Valentine’s Day, but make sure your thoughts aren’t all-consuming. It’s best to keep your mind occupied by doing something you love. Many recently divorced men and fathers in NJ don’t want to go out on Valentine’s Day, even with friends. There are just too many reminders of their divorce. If you feel this way, remember that there are many options; you don’t just have to sit on your couch all night in emotional anguish. Call up a buddy to come over and play cards, or head to your brother’s house to watch the game. If you can’t avoid being home alone, make a busy plan for your night and stick to it.
Don’t Contact Your Ex!
Today is NOT the day to reach out to your ex. Valentine’s Day sometimes makes people desperate for emotional resolution, so they do things they come to regret. Don’t fall into that trap; stay far away from your phone and social media accounts if you’re worried about being tempted to contact your ex. Remember that you are strong, and you’re making progress toward healing from the divorce. Contacting your ex to beg for a second chance – or to say unkind things – will hinder that progress.
Ask for Time with The Kids
As a NJ divorce attorney for men, I like to understand what my clients are going through during and after their divorce. When I talk to fathers about the emotions they’re feeling after their divorce, many mention how their children are a great reminder that not everything about their marriage was bad. Most dads feel blessed that they had the opportunity to build a family with their ex because that’s what made them a parent!
If possible, request to spend the evening with your kids. They’ll remind you of everything positive in your life. Kids celebrate a different kind of love on Valentine’s Day: the love they feel toward their parents, siblings, and friends. They’ll remind you that your Valentine doesn’t have to be a romantic partner – and that this holiday is always good for building up your chocolate stash!
