Dealing with a divorce can be stressful, but a high conflict divorce can be downright devastating. You may want to keep things civil for the kids, but your ex is simply not interested. She’s tried every trick in the book to make you look bad and herself look great – and you’re not even divorced yet!
So, how can men and fathers in New Jersey successfully divorce a high conflict ex without ruining their finances and their reputation? Here are some tips I’ve picked up as a New Jersey complex divorce attorney.
Be Prepared to Let the Small Stuff Go
If you’ve felt disrespected and mistreated by your spouse for years, you may feel like the divorce is your last chance to get even. When it comes to the division of your marital property, this is the worst possible strategy you could have.
Your sanity and overall financial health are much more important than the living room TV. If you won’t let go of insignificant assets, you may end up signing off on a disadvantageous agreement. Be ready to let things go without a fight, especially if you’ve got substantial assets. Your high net worth divorce lawyer for men in NJ will handle the rest. And this approach doesn’t just apply to your marital assets; don’t sweat the sideways comments and insults your ex hurls at you, and you’ll be much happier in the long run.
Expect the Worst and Prepare for the Worst
The saying usually goes, “Expect the best, and prepare for the worst,” but this really doesn’t apply to a high conflict divorce. If your spouse has been acting a certain way for years (which may have eventually contributed to your divorce), it doesn’t make sense that she would turn into an angel during the divorce. This is a high stress time for all parties; I can assure you your wife isn’t planning on putting any extra effort into acting civil. If you anticipate her tactics in advance, your New Jersey high conflict divorce attorney can help you create a plan that takes them into account.
Don’t Engage or You’ll Fuel the Fire
Many high-conflict divorces occur because one spouse is a narcissist or has some form of borderline personality disorder (BPD). If this is true for your spouse, you can expect her to use all sorts of tactics to hurt you, make herself look good, and throw you off your game during the divorce.
Divorcing a narcissist is notoriously difficult because it becomes more about her getting what she wants and less about the two of you reach an agreement. Divorce lawyers for men in New Jersey are well aware of the struggles of divorcing a narcissist, and most will strongly encourage their client to engage with their ex as little as possible – I know that’s my recommendation!
Your ex may try to manipulate you emotionally or financially during the divorce. When that doesn’t work out, she’ll resort to downright abuse. Don’t give her anything to work with by responding to her “cheap shots” and attempts to manipulate you.
Consider Talking to Someone About Your Struggles
Your divorce lawyer for men in New Jersey will understand some of your legal concerns, but most won’t be able to provide a deep analysis of your psyche. For help healing and moving on, consider talking to a therapist about your marriage and subsequent divorce. You don’t ever want to be in this position again, and talking through your feelings now may help you avoid a precarious situation in the future.
If you aren’t interested in one-on-one counseling, consider attending a men’s support group where you can discuss divorce and custody issues with other men who have gone through the same things.
Hire a High Conflict Divorce Attorney for Men in New Jersey
A New Jersey high conflict divorce attorney has specific experience working with clients who have narcissistic spouses or who just don’t get along with their ex. If you want to be civil and your ex won’t cooperate, you’ll only make headway with the assistance of a high conflict divorce attorney who has seen these behaviors before.
The whole team at The Micklin Law Group is well-versed in high conflict divorce issues and the tactics used by narcissists. We are currently working virtually thanks to our electronic infrastructure, so we can safely and effectively represent our clients in their divorce and family law cases. Contact us to get started. In Nutley, we can be reached at 973-562-0100. For our Montclair office, call 862-245-4620.