Many husbands and fathers are looking for a clear-cut best time to get divorced. They have already accepted that their marriage must end, but they’re not sure when. So, twenty-something single dad or empty-nester divorcee – who will struggle more?
A man’s “bounce back” after divorce depends less on his age and more on where he’s at in life. Fathers who are entertaining the idea of divorce should consider key factors, such as the age of their children, their current financial situation, and how long they could actually imagine staying in the marriage.
When Should A Dad Get Divorced?
If your unhappy marriage is affecting your ability to be the dad you want to be, it may be time to strongly consider a divorce. One surefire sign you should make divorce a priority is constant arguing with your spouse – especially when it comes to parenting decisions. When two parents are raising a child, they should both feel like their input should count. Arguing about important decisions is a surefire way to build resentments that may affect your ability to co-parent for years to come. And little ears are always listening, so your kids may hear these arguments about themselves and assume they are responsible for your negative feelings. Get out of the marriage while you can still cooperate as co-parents.
Does Your Child’s Age Matter?
Some dads wonder whether the age of their children will be important during their divorce. Studies show that kids of different ages do handle divorce differently. Generally, elementary-aged children will be most affected by their parents’ divorce. They may need additional support during the transition, including reassurance that the divorce isn’t their fault and an explanation of shared custody. If you have toddlers and are holding on to your marriage in the hopes that you’ll be able to rebuild your happy family, it may be time to let go before they become more cognizant of the implications of divorce.
If there’s one thing experts agree on, it’s that couples should rarely “stay together for the kids.” Unless you and your spouse vow to maintain a completely peaceful home and marriage, staying in your unhappy relationship will not benefit your children. It has been proven that children are more well-adjusted when they can see their parents happy, even if mom and dad aren’t together. So, even if your children are in elementary school, now is probably the best time to get divorced. Just know that you may need to look into counseling and other resources to help them transition.
Is Divorce A Financial Burden?
Can you and your spouse afford to get divorced now without putting yourselves at a financial disadvantage, or is there something you can do to get to a better place before you file? In most states, you must be very careful about the financial changes you make right before you get divorced, especially if your spouse is not aware of these changes. But if you and your spouse want to pay off shared debts or figure out how to peacefully divide your retirement accounts, you’re free to do so. You may both want to meet with your own pre-divorce planning attorney to discuss your options.
If you and your spouse agree to stay in the marriage until your kids or grown up or you reach a certain financial milestone, make sure you’re both on the same page. Your goals should be mutually beneficial to ensure you are both motivated to reach them as soon as possible. And don’t feel too bad if you aren’t on the same page as your ex. Ultimately, your top priorities should be yourself and your kids.
