Marriage is a sacred bond that can quickly sour under the wrong conditions. Here at the Micklin Law Group, we’ve seen it happen time and time again. What we also know is that most couples are rarely prepared for the full scope of divorce and it can get ugly – much uglier than the marriage ever was.
Of course, we’re not advocating staying in an abusive marriage but there is merit in truly understanding whether or not you are ready for divorce. Here are some things to consider before you cut the knot.
- Divorce is messy
Often, divorce ends up being messier than the marriage ever was. Emotions fly high; the need to get the proceedings over with as quickly as possible; and of course, the fight over who-gets-what create a whirlwind of anger, frustration, disappointment and negativity between partners. It’s only in very rare cases that we see a divorce running smoothly. Most times, it’s ugly and can become a battlefield like no other.
Are you ready for this? Have you considered the outcome of a divorce carefully? Whatever you feel in the marriage will almost certainly be compounded during a divorce and many couples are not ready for the emotions that come with the fight.
- Divorce [often] takes a very long time
Ending a relationship is much easier than getting a divorce. Even though your relationship may have ended a long time ago, your estates are still tied together and finalizing a divorce can take up to several years.
Are you ready for this? Are you ready for a possibly long and drawn out fight? It might take the heart of you completely and leave you drained. Do you feel that it’s worthwhile going through that? Could you perhaps put the same amount of energy required to fight in a divorce into making things in your marriage work rather?
- Ending a marriage leaves loose ends
Not all loose ends can be tied at the end of a divorce. If you have kids, a shared estate or business, or even shared friends, you’ll still have to face some of the negativity in order to maintain relationships.
Are you ready for this? If you can make a clean break with nothing to tie you to that person after the marriage is legally terminated then you are very lucky. This is probably the hardest part of any divorce and the most common mistake couples make is to think that you will finally be rid of the spouse and his/her problems. Sharing children after a divorce is much, much harder than sharing them within a marriage that may not be working.
As mentioned before, there are circumstances that naturally warrant a divorce. There are also times when the threat of a divorce can be the voice of reason that sparks change. While a divorce benefits any advocate financially, we’ve also seen and endured the pain of many couples who could possibly have saved their marriage and heartache had they first understood what divorce is really about and that it’s not always the best option.
And that’s the answer to the elusive question isn’t it? Knowing you are ready for divorce is about educating yourself on what you will experience during the process. In short, ending the marriage legally is not always the easy way out and it’s something you have to prepare yourself for emotionally and financially.
If you’d like more information on preparing for divorce and all the finer details that go into making a smooth transition, please feel free to contact us for a consultation. We believe that knowledge opens the door for wisdom and we’re happy to help you acquire the information you need to truly make the right decision.
The Micklin Law Group, LLC is a New Jersey law firm specializing in family law and estates. Attorney Brad Micklin was recently named to The National Advocates list of Top 100 attorneys from each state. Brad has a special expertise in working with high asset divorce. You can read more on this topic by visiting our divorce blog. To set up a consultation, call 973-562-0100.