At The Micklin Law Group, LLC in Nutley, we have worked with numerous clients involved in high conflict divorces that spanissues involving money, custody and abuse. And throughout our more than 20 years of practicing, we have come to realize that the divorce process itself is not overly complicated – it is the people. We have spent time and gathered the resources necessary to face controlling and abusive spouses head-on in court. Turn to our team when you need aggressive, dedicated support during this difficult time.
A Note About Borderline Personality Disorders
Usually, one of the spouses involved in a high conflict divorce suffers from one or more borderline personality disorders (BPDs) such as narcissism. Does this sound like your situation? If so, what it boils down to is that your spouse will find no problem in making the divorce process extremely difficult for you. He or she will find ways to pull in other family members, including children, to try to beat you down and make you agree to whatever he or she wants just to protect your children.
With the right lawyer by your side, you can rest assured that you will have legal support should your spouse seek additional ways to manipulate you while your divorce is pending. You will have someone advocating for you, representing your rights and interests at all stages of the process.
Common Issues Involved in High Conflict Divorces in New Jersey
Extreme conflict arises in divorces that involve:
- Narcissistic Spouses: Divorcing your narcissist spouse will require an incredible amount of patience, determination and courage on your part. Narcissists will not get over the divorce – not easily, anyway. But learning how to pick your battles and when to stand your ground can help you get through the proceedings without losing your emotional integrity. Read more about divorcing a narcissist.
- Domestic violence: Narcissistic spouses can find many ways to be abusive, including physically, emotionally and financially. The abuse will not stop even after the divorce process begins unless you find yourself a lawyer who knows how to work within the system to protect you.
- Child custody battles: Spouses suffering from BPD all too often pull children into the ugliness of high conflict divorces. We strive to protect the best interests of all children, both during the divorce and beyond.
- Financial disputes: From spousal support to child support to property division, there are numerous financial issues that arise during any divorce, and especially during high asset divorce. Adding a high level of anxiety, anger and aggression to the mix only makes the process take more time and take more of a toll on your emotional and psychological well-being.
Working With Additional Experts to Help You in New Jersey
Often, one of the best recommendations we can make to our clients who are involved in high conflict divorces is to see a therapist. While we can address many concerns during our consultations, phone calls and meetings, we often cannot help our clients get at the heart of their situations. We also call on life coaches, forensic accountants and other experts to help, depending on the issues present in each individual case.
Frequently Asked Questions
You should file an emergent application, otherwise known as an order to show cause, for a custody and parenting time schedule, alleging that the urgency of the matter is your child’s illness and your wife’s refusal to let you see the children for however long is doing immediate and irreparable harm. That is the standard that the Court’s look to when granting orders to show cause, so it is very important that you allege in your papers and explain to the judge, if and when given the opportunity, that the children are at risk of immediate and irreparable harm by your wife’s refusal to let you see them. This must be done in the county in which your wife filed for divorce, and under the same docket number. The Court may not take the case on an emergent basis, but, if it does not, then it will likely convert the application to a regular motion. If for whatever reason the Court denies the emergent application, then you must immediately file for the same relief by way of notice of motion. Either way, the staff at the Courthouse will be able to give you the appropriate forms, or you can access them on the New Jersey Judiciary’s website under Represent Yourself in Court. Generally, orders to show cause by self-represented individuals must be hand-delivered to the Court (you can go to the Court and fill it in while you are there) and the judge will hear your case that same day.
It seems unlikely that you could qualify for an annulment; however, if irreconcilable differences have persisted for 6 months or extreme cruelty has existed for a 3 month period, you have grounds for a divorce.
Grounds for annulment include:
- inducement into marriage based upon fraud
- the marriage is illegal or
- you were not competent to enter the marriage at the time of marriage.
Though it would be necessary to discuss your case at greater length to provide a more precise response, the facts you have set forth make an annulment unlikely. The good news is that you would be able to get a divorce. Divorces are very complex, and it would be in your best interest to retain an experienced family law attorney.
Self-help is never advisable, as the Court will never look kindly upon willfully violating a Court Order. If you truly feel you and your daughter’s well-being are in danger, then you should contact DCPP or consider filing a restraining order. It would be necessary to discuss this matter further as many factors come into play when the Court makes decisions and involving DCPP can sometimes be more trouble than it is worth. You should consult an experienced family law attorney to ensure that your interests are protected.
Additionally, if the girlfriend is a danger to you and your daughter, you may be able to seek modification of the custody order. To modify custody, you would have to show the Court that there has been a substantial change in circumstances warranting a modification of custody and show that the change would be in the best interest of the child.
In awarding custody, the Court considers the best interest of the child. In making initial custody determinations, courts will consider the following factors:
- The parents’ ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child;
- The parents’ willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow parenting time not based on substantiated abuse;
- The interaction and relationship of the child with its parents and siblings;
- The history of domestic violence, if any;
- The safety of the child and the safety of either parent from physical abuse by the other parent;
- The preference of the child when of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent decision;
- The needs of the child;
- The stability of the home environment offered;
- The quality and continuity of the child’s education;
- The fitness of the parents;
- The geographical proximity of the parents’ homes;
- The extent and quality of the time spent with the child prior to or subsequent to the separation;
- The parents’ employment responsibilities; and
- The age and number of the children.
Modification actions are very fact sensitive, so it would be necessary to discuss your case at greater length. You should consult an experienced family law attorney to ensure that your interests are protected.
He cannot obtain a divorce unless and until he proves to the court that he has caused the summons and divorce complaint to be personally served upon you. He must thereafter file a proof of service with the court, which is a document sworn to and signed by the individual who personally served you. You should also contact the court in the county in which he resides to confirm whether or not anything has been filed yet. If you provide identification, they will most likely be able to give you that answer. Filing divorce papers can take some time, because there are multiple documents that need to be filed, not just the summons and complaint alone. Divorce can be a highly complicated area of law, even when you think that most issues are resolved. You should consult with an attorney to find out what your custody rights are as well as what your rights to support and equitable distribution are. Family courts are courts are equity and there are no set rules on things such as medical and dental expenses and college contribution. However, there is a presumption in NJ that these expenses should be divided in an equitable manner. As far as dental and college expenses are concerned, your divorce agreement should specifically provide for the method of allocating each of these expenses and the method by which he should reimburse you and/or pay same. Generally speaking, courts are guided by the following factors in determining college contribution:
- Whether the parent, if still living with the child, would have contributed toward the costs of the requested higher education.
- The effect of the background, values, and goals of the parent on the reasonableness of the expectation of the child for higher education.
- The amount of the contribution sought by the child for the cost of higher education.
- The ability of the parent to pay that cost.
- The relationship of the requested contribution to the kind of school or course of study sought by the child.
- The financial resources of both parties.
- The commitment to and aptitude of the child for the requested education.
- The financial resources of the child, including assets owned individually or held in custodianship or trust.
- The ability of the child to earn income during the school year or vacation.
- The availability of financial aid in the form of college grants and loans.
- The child?s relationship to the paying parent, including mutual affection and shared goals as well as responsiveness to parental advice and guidance.
- The relationship of the education requested to any prior training and to the overall long-range goals of the child.
You must file a summons and complaint for divorce in the county in which the cause of action for divorce arose. If you choose to proceed with a cause of action based on irreconcilable differences, which is the most common, because it is considered a no-fault cause of action, you must be able to certify in your complaint that you have resided in the state of New Jersey for at least a year preceding the commencement of your divorce complaint and that irreconcilable differences have arisen which have caused the breakdown of the marriage for a period of 6 months or more. You may file a complaint alleging fault based grounds, such as extreme cruelty, adultery, or desertion but it is highly recommended that you plead irreconcilable differences as well, because that is the easiest to prove. There is a filing fee and other forms, including but not limited to a Confidential Litigant Information Statement, Verification of Non-Collusion, and Affidavit of Non-Military Service, that are required. You can most likely get these forms from the court. Once the summons and complaint is filed with the court and you receive it back from the court with a stamp and docket number, you should hire a process server to personally serve your husband with the complaint. He has 35 days from the date of service within which to answer. You can try filing for an annulment, but they are difficult to obtain.
Income is only one factor taken into consideration by the New Jersey Child Support Guidelines. Other dependent deductions, work related child care, the percentage of overnights, and health insurance premiums are also taken into consideration. Though the mother earns more than you, you would still need to contribute support to her for the child’s care, if she were named the parent of primary residence. The Court would require the parties to provide all relevant income information, and if she does not, the Court may impute income to her.
If the mother leaves, she does not automatically get custody over the children, and must file an application with the Court. In awarding custody, the Court considers the best interest of the child. In making initial custody determinations, courts will consider the following factors:
- The parents’ ability to agree, communicate and cooperate in matters relating to the child;
- The parents’ willingness to accept custody and any history of unwillingness to allow parenting time not based on substantiated abuse;
- The interaction and relationship of the child with its parents and siblings;
- The history of domestic violence, if any;
- The safety of the child and the safety of either parent from physical abuse by the other parent;
- The preference of the child when of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent decision;
- The needs of the child;
- The stability of the home environment offered;
- The quality and continuity of the child’s education;
- The fitness of the parents;
- The geographical proximity of the parents’ homes;
- The extent and quality of the time spent with the child prior to or subsequent to the separation;
- The parents’ employment responsibilities; and
- The age and number of the children.
It is unclear as to whether you are married or not; however, if you are, there is no legal separation in New Jersey. It would be necessary to discuss you case with you at greater length. It is important that you retain an experienced family law attorney to ensure your interests are protected.
Call Us for the Holistic, Aggressive Representation When You Need It Most
If you believe you are facing a high conflict divorce, make sure you reach out to a legal team that has the resources, knowledge and experience to zealously protect and represent your interests. Call our New Jersey law firm today at 973-562-0100 or contact us via email to schedule your consultation.