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Many men in New Jersey who have been married to a narcissist for a while have a difficult time even remembering what past relationships were like. Since they have nothing to compare the marriage to, they don’t even realize what is normal and abnormal about their relationship. To make matters worse, a person with narcissistic tendencies makes it their goal to confuse others and conflate their positive traits to make themselves look as good as possible. They will happily do this at the expense of everyone else in their life. This means it can be very difficult for a man to actually know what is reality within his relationship. 

If you are questioning whether the way your narcissistic spouse has been treating you is normal or acceptable in a healthy relationship, here are some things to look out for.

Doesn’t Care About Your Needs and Feelings 

A narcissist will ultimately only care about their own needs. They may make it a point to try to understand what motivates the people around them, but it is often so that they can exploit that knowledge when necessary. Many narcissists take their mask off once they are in a marriage, and their partner begins to see that they truly only care about their own wants and needs. If you are used to your partner disregarding simple requests, it may be because they are a narcissist.

Has Many Different Personas

Narcissists are master manipulators, and they always want to control the narrative. This means that they will often alter their behavior depending on the situation. A narcissist wants to be perceived as someone who has control of their life and is very put together. When they are around friends and extended family, a narcissist will act like everything is great even if things are falling apart. Then, when it’s just the two of you, the narcissist will completely change their tune and blame you for everything that’s going wrong. 

Narcissists may also be kind, loving, polite, and respectful of their partners in public, but they can blow up in private. This often results in verbal and emotional abuse, and sometimes it may even turn physical. This is not a normal way to handle conflict in a relationship. If you don’t feel that your narcissistic partner can handle issues within the relationship in a healthy way, it may be time to consider a divorce.

Use Your Children Against You

Sadly, many narcissists who are parents will use their children as a way to wound their co-parent when they are upset. Parents with narcissistic tendencies often freely discuss their partner’s flaws in front of the children and may even exaggerate them in an attempt to disparage the other parent. Parental alienation is also common in relationships where one of the parents is a narcissist. This doesn’t just occur after a separation or divorce. It can also occur within the home when the narcissist speaks poorly of you and claims that you do not love your children or do not want to be around them. Even if they do act like this at home, a narcissist will act like the doting parent in public. They may even compliment your parenting in public while being extremely verbally abusive about it in private. 

Breaking Free From A Narcissist

The myth that only men can be abusive has gone on for too long. No one deserves to be treated poorly by their partner, including men and fathers. If your spouse is a narcissist and you want out of your marriage, contact The Micklin Law Group to speak to our divorce lawyers for men in New Jersey. We can help you break free from your abusive relationship. Our office number is  973-562-0100.

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